The Right Foot Of Stephen Jones
Jones has had three scoring chances so far. (20 mins in) of which he has made none. But Wales are in front 5 - 3. Which is fantastic.
Jones is a good player, not Neil Jenkins but he is good. Now just made his first score.
As a sports player you are either decent, good or fantastic depending on how much work you put in, you can have good days and bad days, and in a team hopefully enough players have good days. Jason Robinson and Matt Dawson are currently the only people stopping England being demolished. Stephen Jones is having an off day, but the team is still doing well.
There is no such thing as a bad artist. You don't have good or bad days. You are either a brilliant artist or you are in the wrong profession.
The photo shoot was a shambles. No one's fault really. I didn't realise the mill would be closed on saturday. Aron was tired, in a bad mood and unable to show anything really. I couldn't think of anything to motivate him until after the shoot. The light was awful and Haley isn't the most experienced with portraits. No brilliant shots that I saw, but we'll see on Monday. Otherwise we'll try again. Next time I'll know how to get Aron motivated. Hadn't thought about it, never done it before. It's all experience. But I wasn't happy. And then, to really piss me off, walking home there was absolutely beautiful sunset light glinting off the buildings. Where the sun moves beneath the clouds so all the light just reflects and reflects.
I may sound like I'm just whining about being single sometimes, but it's more than just that. I don't have anyone to tell me I'm doing well, to cheer me up, to tell me if what I'm doing is not very good, to give me confidence in myself, to make it worthwhile coming home at the end of the day. To support me on my off days.
I've never had that, never. And so I've developed an overriding sense of confidence in myself, a sense of belief, because no one else will give it to me. I know I'm a damn good artist, I stretch myself, I know exactly what I need to do as a director, I know what I need to achieve. I know the final piece will be great.
But what if it isn't. What if I'm nothing more than a mediocre artist. It's a subjective profession, so no one can tell me I'm useless except myself. Thus I have supreme self confidence and self doubt at the same time.
I have no one to believe in me. No one to balance my fears. That is why I hate being alone, I also have no one but myself to blame for this.
Today I failed as a director, I could not achieve what I wanted, and the failures will only increase as my life goes on. There will be successes but the failures will always be there, and this was a small one by comparison.
To be honest, I've never really failed in a way that mattered. This one just means that it will take more time to get something done. It's not terrible if we miss the deadline for this brochure.
But I feel like I should have thought of making Aron go through Ruth's monolgue as he posed, I shouldn't have made the mistake about the mill, I should have asked someone with a bit more experience that Haley to do the shoot, I should have realised that the sunset would have been great.
I have no one to warn me of these mistakes, I have no one to pick me up when I am down. No one to trim my excesses. No one to turn to.
It feels like hell.
And I can't see an end to it.
The game?
England 9
Wales 11
At 77 mins Wales were 8 - 9 down with a penalty. Stephen Jones walked away and let Gavin Henson, Silverboots, take the kick.
Henson was man of the match, gave the best performance on a rugby field I have seen in years, is now the latest Welsh Rugby God, saviour of Welsh Rugby, and the man who beat England for the first time in six years.
But credit also to Stephen Jones, who had a bit of an off day as far as kicking was concerned but didn't allow his pride to create a fall. The team came through.
I've never had anyone but myself, never let myself trust in someone else, until Natalie. And then had my heart broken and a breakdown. Not Nat's fault.
I make mistakes from time to time but everyone does.
I'm old, lonely and bitter, but bloody hell I refuse to be a mediocre artist.
Sitting here in the dark, as my light has gone.
Jones is a good player, not Neil Jenkins but he is good. Now just made his first score.
As a sports player you are either decent, good or fantastic depending on how much work you put in, you can have good days and bad days, and in a team hopefully enough players have good days. Jason Robinson and Matt Dawson are currently the only people stopping England being demolished. Stephen Jones is having an off day, but the team is still doing well.
There is no such thing as a bad artist. You don't have good or bad days. You are either a brilliant artist or you are in the wrong profession.
The photo shoot was a shambles. No one's fault really. I didn't realise the mill would be closed on saturday. Aron was tired, in a bad mood and unable to show anything really. I couldn't think of anything to motivate him until after the shoot. The light was awful and Haley isn't the most experienced with portraits. No brilliant shots that I saw, but we'll see on Monday. Otherwise we'll try again. Next time I'll know how to get Aron motivated. Hadn't thought about it, never done it before. It's all experience. But I wasn't happy. And then, to really piss me off, walking home there was absolutely beautiful sunset light glinting off the buildings. Where the sun moves beneath the clouds so all the light just reflects and reflects.
I may sound like I'm just whining about being single sometimes, but it's more than just that. I don't have anyone to tell me I'm doing well, to cheer me up, to tell me if what I'm doing is not very good, to give me confidence in myself, to make it worthwhile coming home at the end of the day. To support me on my off days.
I've never had that, never. And so I've developed an overriding sense of confidence in myself, a sense of belief, because no one else will give it to me. I know I'm a damn good artist, I stretch myself, I know exactly what I need to do as a director, I know what I need to achieve. I know the final piece will be great.
But what if it isn't. What if I'm nothing more than a mediocre artist. It's a subjective profession, so no one can tell me I'm useless except myself. Thus I have supreme self confidence and self doubt at the same time.
I have no one to believe in me. No one to balance my fears. That is why I hate being alone, I also have no one but myself to blame for this.
Today I failed as a director, I could not achieve what I wanted, and the failures will only increase as my life goes on. There will be successes but the failures will always be there, and this was a small one by comparison.
To be honest, I've never really failed in a way that mattered. This one just means that it will take more time to get something done. It's not terrible if we miss the deadline for this brochure.
But I feel like I should have thought of making Aron go through Ruth's monolgue as he posed, I shouldn't have made the mistake about the mill, I should have asked someone with a bit more experience that Haley to do the shoot, I should have realised that the sunset would have been great.
I have no one to warn me of these mistakes, I have no one to pick me up when I am down. No one to trim my excesses. No one to turn to.
It feels like hell.
And I can't see an end to it.
The game?
England 9
Wales 11
At 77 mins Wales were 8 - 9 down with a penalty. Stephen Jones walked away and let Gavin Henson, Silverboots, take the kick.
Henson was man of the match, gave the best performance on a rugby field I have seen in years, is now the latest Welsh Rugby God, saviour of Welsh Rugby, and the man who beat England for the first time in six years.
But credit also to Stephen Jones, who had a bit of an off day as far as kicking was concerned but didn't allow his pride to create a fall. The team came through.
I've never had anyone but myself, never let myself trust in someone else, until Natalie. And then had my heart broken and a breakdown. Not Nat's fault.
I make mistakes from time to time but everyone does.
I'm old, lonely and bitter, but bloody hell I refuse to be a mediocre artist.
Sitting here in the dark, as my light has gone.
posted by Caractacus at 17:42
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